You and I have heard it said: “There’s a message in that mess.” “There’s a testimony in that trial.” “There’s a hallelujah in that hurt.” And while all these phrases sound good looking back over our shoulder at what was, it’s not so easy to swallow in the here and now. Anyone relate?
In recent days, I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time getting to know a few women through their present pain. As a lyricist pens words to a melody that seem to give us a relatable visual of a broken heart, some of us can choose words that when laced together, articulate the history of painful memories worthy of something made for television. And a common thread of “how did it get this way?” or “why didn’t I see this sooner?” is woven throughout the tapestry of her complicated life.
As if it were her fault.
Sweet Friend, if you can nod your head or feel an inkling of “I get you,” you’re not alone. Above all, I am so, so sorry you’ve had to live through your situation.
Fault is associated with intentionality. I’m almost certain that you did not choose to live in the pain you’ve experienced. You may have made some decisions along the way in the midst of the circumstances that you wish you could reverse. We all do – daily. However, I’m referring to the uncontrollable actions of others upon you. You and I know we can only be responsible for our own actions.
If you’re anything like me, I’m generally on a mission to help people – even those who don’t want it. It’s a hard lesson to learn that a rejection of offered assistance (with no strings attached) is not personal – but it’s not. That’s where you have to pull up your big girl pants, smile and quietly walk away – without being offended.
In my conversations with these precious women who opened up to share their stories, I am apologetic for the Christians who tossed a flippant, “GOD will never give you more than you can bear.” Or the well used, “just give it to GOD.” Really? That’s like tossing a bandage to someone who has just been in a car accident that needs paramedic help.
If one falls down,
the other can help him up.
But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls,
because no one is there to help. Ecclesiastes 4:10 NCV
The compassion between two friends permeates the circumstances that exist. A true friend will get dirty with you and have a plan in place to help get you cleaned up. They may get into that muddy pit with you, but if they’re wise, they’re attached to a lifeline to pull both of you out of that pit.
Without condemnation. Without judgement. Without a wagging finger.
It’s no secret that we all live in a fallen world – Believers in Jesus and non-believers alike. What should set us apart is Jesus – our love for Him should radiate so brilliantly that others are drawn towards Him through us. Unfortunately, the words sometimes spoken by Believers to a hurting heart can do more damage than already exists. It’s this kind of aftermath that makes it truly confusing and insulting to a hurting non-believer. And it certainly is not going to result in her wanting to ask you for a ride to church. Pain is pain – it hurts, whether you are sitting in a house of worship or on a street curb.
I’m sure you can relate to being on both sides. It doesn’t matter if you were raised in the church or just started walking with Jesus five minutes ago. When your heart is hurting, you simply want a listening ear and perhaps a pair of kind eyes. As Believers in Christ, we want to go a bit further to spread the love by offering to pray with the hurting person – on the spot. Yes, take those intimate sixty-seconds to speak peace and calm into her space and to her face. That’s what Jesus did. In fact, He welcomed the daily interruptions of life. Let that sit with you for a bit.
If you have what your neighbor asks for,
don’t say, “Come back later.
I will give it to you tomorrow.” Proverbs 3:28 NCV
GOD trusts us with the pain we’ve survived – to talk about it. Those hard life lessons that we desperately wished were not part of our story – they are meant to be used for the healing of someone coming up behind us. They are purposed by Him to draw her closer to Him by seeing you give Him the glory – that is what points her towards Him, her Healer.
The next time someone takes the time to share her shattered heart with you, just know that it may be that she sees a Light in you that speaks of hope. A hope that she is crying out for but doesn’t know what to call it.
That Hope has a Name: Jesus.
I love you to Heaven and Back, Girlfriend ~
LindaRJohnson, TitusTwo Visionary
*Thank you to Charity Gayle | Steven Musso for this.
Titus Two 