I. Cried. All. The. Way. Home.
My youngest child had made the decision to attend a university a plane flight away. He was always the most adventuresome one among the three of my children. As a toddler he was the one to make friends in preschool so easily. At the park, he was the one to run towards the biggest and tallest slides (much to the fluttering in my heart).
For this one, I was a devoted track and field mom for five years straight. I committed every weekend for 12+ hours to be at those track meets. I attended every local competition: camp chair, portable bleacher seat, and ice cooler filled with sandwiches to share in tote. I’ve sat through freezing temperatures with five layers of clothing, and melted under the heat of sun.
The day when I drove him to the airport to send him off to college, I thought I was going to lose myself.
I held him so tightly in front of that airport terminal. I remember not wanting to let go. He whispered into my ear: “Mom, I’ll be back.” And with that, tears streaming down my face, I waved goodbye to the baby boy who was going to be coming back home a man.
In the Book of John chapter 20, we read of the account of Jesus appearing to a distraught Mary Magdalene. Just a couple days ago, she was eye witness to the public suffering of her Savior. She was so devoted to Him that she remained unashamed and immovable at His feet until He breathed His last breath. Mary Magdalene loved her Jesus. When Jesus appeared to her after His resurrection, she did not want to let Him go. The Bible tells us that Jesus said don’t cling to me. He was yet to leave again, and this time it would be much longer before they would reunite.
I can’t help but think of the countless times that Jesus has told me to release my grip on something.
Jobs, projects, situations, aspirations, hopes, and dreams. Hear me now, my grip (as in control) ~~ not my faith.
When I try to control something or a situation ~~ I’m trying to direct the outcome ~~ and it’s usually for my benefit. This is when I’m clearly “out of control.”
Proverbs 16:9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.
Daily I must submit myself to The One Who holds my future. And yes, while He places the seeds of dreams in my heart, and cultivates them with hope for fruition, I must take care not to assume that I am able to control everything. Faith reminds me that God is.
It just so happened that one year earlier, our older son (middle child) had decided to live on campus of his chosen university. Years prior to that, our daughter (the eldest) had transferred to her chosen university at the northern most end of the State. So for two full years, we were an “empty nest.”
Well, my son’s words came to pass (thank You, Jesus!). First our daughter relocated back to our part of the State (in fact, only 45 minutes away). Then our older son left the dorms and moved back home deciding to commute to college. Then our youngest transferred to the university his brother was attending and also is commuting from home. Sigh!
While for some, empty nesting is the goal, for me it was painful. I do know they will all eventually be on their way, but until then I release my grip and pray them into the loving care of Our God.
“What are YOU having difficulty releasing with Faith into the trusting Hands of God?”
I pray, Girlfriend, that you’ll find the comfort and strength you need in the wisdom of Scripture. Call a Sister in Christ to help you with the clarity. Stay in fellowship for the sake of your soul. And pray for daily direction from the Holy Spirit. God is faithful to get you through this.
I love you to Heaven and Back, Girlfriend ~~