Love and Respect.
Funny, you wouldn’t think people would get these two verbs wrong. And yet, in recent days I’ve been front row center to some very ‘difficult’ situations.
Whenever I witness a husband and wife ‘disagreeing,’ I understand that; it simply means you have two different opinions that have met on a collision course in a public place. Not all disagreements are bad. One partner wants midnight blue paint and the other wants creamy lemon yellow. One spouse wants to watch a Marvel Comics Superhero movie and the other wants to see a romantic chick flick. I get it. Matter of difference in taste and preferences.
But what I’m talking about goes deeper.
I’ve actually witnessed a wife disrespect her husband in public ~~ and it hurts to see it in the making.
Whenever God allows me to see something unusual more than once and one occurrence right after the other, I always stop and ask, why has this been highlighted in front of my eyes.
It’s to show me what disrespect looks like. Plain and simple. And Girlfriend, it’s not pretty.
In each instance, I saw the pain and embarrassment on the face of the husband. I could read the humiliation in his eyes and the cowering in his body language. And it was extremely painful to watch.
I kept silent and almost motionless ~~ in an effort to try to remain ‘invisible’ to the husband ~~ hoping he would forget a stranger’s eyes were seeing him being torn apart. When the dust settled, and I felt comfortable to exhale, I excused myself and prayed for the husband as I walked away.
The goal is to build up, not tear down.
Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
The Scriptures remind us, wives, to respect our husbands. And from being married for over 31 years, I can tell you that showing a man respect so that he recognizes it as respect is different from showing him love and affection the way a woman would perceive and receive it.
It. Is. Not. Easy.
What we think we are conveying through our actions, is not always how he receives and perceives it. Men are wired differently ~~ on purpose ~~ for God’s Purpose.
Likewise, what he thinks he is saying may not be what we are hearing.
I have found that when I am frustrated with this, I have to pause, pray, and stay ~~ right where I am, and ask God to melt my heart for understanding and correction. And then it usually helps if I actually ask my husband what he wants me to understand or know about some thing.
And this is not easy either.
It means grab a tall glass of Holy Spirit water and swallow the pride pill ~~ wash it all down, Girlfriend. And do whatever you can to hold back the urge to roll the eyes or fold the arms across the chest.
Pride will distract us from seeing the truth ~~ which means it will ultimately destroy us. Don’t allow for it to destroy your marriage.
Pray for the willingness to be moved by the Holy Spirit when a difficult moment arises. It is in these tender hearted moments that we can truly show how much we genuinely love and respect our men. Let’s not forget: he has been imaged by God, and he did come first in the order of Creation.
Remember, he’s protecting you as though you are his own heart. Work with him. And you just may find that it’s a tad bit easier to understand him. Then you’ll be better able to show him you respect him in love.
It takes practice, Girlfriend; a lot of practice. But God will honor you showing up for practice. (Wink!)
Pray diligently for your marriage ~~ protect it ~~ guard it ~~ treasure it. There is no other Relationship like it.
I love you to Heaven and Back, Girlfriend ~~
Now, go give that man a Hug!
LindaRJohnson
T2T Visionary
Titus Two 
Swallowing that pride pill. Mmmhmmmm. Sometimes I need a HUGGGEEEE drink of water. But I want to raise my man up, not tear him down.
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Christy ~~ Allow me to show you my enormous glass …
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Yes it is hard to always show respect for what the husband says. I’ve gotten into arguments with mine when we disagree on parenting issues. What if your husband is a pessimist (focuses on the negative of all people and not a believer yet) and you are trying to be an optimist? As far as him being a non-believer in Christ, I have been praying for him and this scripture gives me refuge: 1 Corinthians 7:13-14
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Sweet Sister of Mine ~~
It’s a Blessing that you have a tender heart towards your husband, even while he has not yet embraced The Savior. It’s evident through the fact that you take solace in the Scripture passage in 1Corinthians 7:13-14. This proves the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in your own life ~~ and trust God here, Girlfriend, as a LIVING EXAMPLE to your unbelieving husband, THIS is the BEST TESTIMONY. As you show, God gives WISDOM for sticky situations like this.
If you recognize your husband as ‘pessimistic,’ I would tend to think this is a result of past experiences in his own life. For whatever reason(s), he’s been witness to more negativism than positivism (get my drift?) ~~ and so it has taken root inside his own being. But this goes waaaayy back before you were part of his life. I KNOW it’s DIFFICULT to work with someone like this ~~ especially someone you love.
Continue to PRAY for him, Sister, and ask God to continue to soften YOUR HEART towards him. I have asked God to give me His Eyes and His Heart of LOVE towards these difficult people ~~ so that it’s not my raw emotions and human responses that come forward; but rather the LOVE of God that he sees in you, and in me. We will not always respond in the best manner, BUT that doesn’t mean God isn’t at work through us. Only God knows if and when and how your husband will embrace His Son Jesus ~~ until then, Girlfriend, stay CLOSE to Him ~~ your children will be BLESSED by seeing a mom that LOVES more than she competes or argues with their dad. PRAYER for DISCERNMENT has gotten me through the worst of moments with difficult people ~~ God is Faithful! James 1:5-6 is my anchor in all these moments. Keep me posted on your progress ~~ and I will pray alongside you for his salvation and your sanity and peace in the home.
I love you to Heaven and Back, Girlfriend,
Linda
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God Bless you and Thank you Linda for your sweet and thoughtful response. I also re-read James 1:5-6 to ask God for wisdom as well. You are right about my husband. Even he admits to being a pessimist (or a realist as he describes) as he has to for his line of work in the aviation field. Yes, a lot of bad happened to him way before I met him, even in his childhood, but he does show his unconditional love for me and wants the best for our children. This is a second marriage (and last) for both of us. I have 2 teenage children from my previous marriage and 1 toddler together, so we have a lot going on with parenting.
I am new to Bible study, although I’ve been a Catholic my whole life, I feel like I have been transformed into a born-again Christian just recently in the past few months. I started attending bible study, started watching a lot of Christian films, listening to a lot of Christian radio and I just can’t get enough of the Word. I have been praying and reading the Bible for my husband and my family everyday. I started listening to a local non-traditional Christian pastor’s sermons recently and really liked him because he tells the facts about today and Jesus, very different from the traditional Catholic masses I am used to. I even attended one of his services recently and let my husband listen to a few of his sermons online. Even though my husband is a non-believer (but not an atheist), Praise Jesus, because my husband actually really enjoyed listening to this Christian pastor’s sermons and agreed with everything he said and he plans to attend a service soon! God does work in mysterious ways! But I am beginning to see that once you bring your prayers up to the Lord, things will happen in your favor, but only when He feels you are ready for it.
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Hi MessHallMommy!
Girlfriend, I am so HAPPY to hear of the great progress ~~ in all directions. It’s such a BLESSING when you can SEE God’s Hands at work in your life, especially in your marriage ~~ and even more when in the heart of your husband. Allow God to “use you” for the Purpose of reaching your husband ~~ and continue to PRAY as He does this. Somethings may not make sense to you now, but TRUST in God’s Plan and Timing.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
As for your Catholic background, I was also raised Catholic ~~ I totally get it! Jesus calls us into a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Him.
John 14:6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
THIS is what drew me in CLOSER and this is what is drawing YOU in closer to your Savior. All of the Christian activity that you’re presently enjoying is the work of the Holy Spirit in you ~~ drawing you in CLOSER to the same God you have always prayed to and worshipped. Only now you KNOW Him as Savior. PTL!
I will continue to lift you and your marriage UP in prayer ~~ keep walking forward, MessHallMommy, and hold on tightly to His Hand.
I love you to Heaven and Back, Girlfriend ~~
Linda
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